I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
