I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
