Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
