9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
