3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
