Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
