Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
