he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
