It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
