It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
