Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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