I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
