Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
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