I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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