You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
