I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
