I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
