1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
