you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just high enough for therapy.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
