Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
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