i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
