do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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