Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
