Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
