mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
