her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This is my gift to your gina
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
