did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
