i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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