her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
