Don't make out with my wife yet
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
