I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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