Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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