He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
