his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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