I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's no shave November. This is our time.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
