Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
