so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
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not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
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It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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