I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
