Non-Jews are for practice
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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