Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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