The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
last night I used snow as a chaser
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
