I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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