butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
