I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
