Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
