I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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