he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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