New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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