Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
