The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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