It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
