Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
