good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
