I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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