Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
