I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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