don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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