Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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