They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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