And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
