I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
