So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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