Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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