So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Randomize
