A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
