my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
In other news, I just burned my penis
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
