I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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