I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Come see our sink grown plant.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
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Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
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So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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