My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
