She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize