Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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