Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Success! We fucked roommates!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
