In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
