non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
