Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
