Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
