Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dignity is for republicans.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
